Something is going on in everyone’s life. We often seek our friends or family to confide in when things get a little serious- either on a positive note or a negative one.
But sometimes, we find ourselves blurting out a little too much, which may come back to haunt us later in life. The bad news is, this particular habit of oversharing can sometimes put on a very embarrassing situation. The good news is, you can take an action to solve it.
Reasons Why Somebody Overshare
Knowing why you do something makes it easier to spot trends. We have recognized that anxiousness and attention-seeking habits are two major reasons someone overshares. Likewise, if you crave attention, you can learn about the factors that trigger it.
Let’s look at some other equally important reasons!
- Suffering from anxiety: Oversharing frequently happens due to anxiety. An anxious person uses a lot of mental energy to manipulate the other person’s perception while having a conversation.
As a result, they start talking too much about themselves. After a while, when that person realizes sharing too much, they become more anxious, and the cycle continues.
- Having ineffective boundaries: You may naturally overshare if you’re in a relationship with little boundaries. And when the other person says nothing, you don’t realize that you are oversharing.
- Having a history of oversharing in the family: If you belong to a family where everybody discusses everything openly, you might feel it is natural. With a history of oversharing in the family, one does not see this behavior as potentially problematic.
- To have a sense of importance in this world: One of the greatest motivating factors for oversharing is the desire to feel connected to another person. To achieve this, you may choose to disclose your personal information or hope that they tell you something similar.
We should keep in mind that rushing closeness never helps anyone. Building intimacy and trust with someone else requires time and patience.
- Have you been diagnosed with ADHD?: As the key symptoms of ADHD include lack of impulse control and limited self-regulation, a person who has ADHD might not realize that he is talking too much. ADHD patients also seem to have low self-esteem, leading them to oversharing.
- Feeling a Great Longing for Closeness: Let’s say you are at a salon and your hairdresser is doing your hair. Having them in your physical space, touching you at times, generates a sense of intimacy that may not exist.
People who overshare offer too much personal information to create intimacy rapidly. They just feel the need for connection, but lack patience, most of the time.
- Being under the influence of alcohol or narcotics: Using any substance causes us to make poor decisions. You may have witnessed situations where you were sitting with someone who was drinking, and they casually overshared their life story without even realizing it.
Drugs or alcohol makes us lose control of the impulses and restrictions we generally create for ourselves. Eventually, it leads to oversharing.
- Using social media regularly: There is a psychological phenomenon known as confirmation bias, which tends to “confirm” everything you are doing by showing the proof to other people doing the same thing. Oversharing is highly encouraged on social media. When you follow someone who shares every detail of their lives, you’ll be inclined towards doing the same.
How To Stop Oversharing
Recognize That You Are Feeling Unheard
Once you have a habit of oversharing, you may want to get it all out, and when you are unable to do so, you feel unheard. The best way to cope with it is to write it down.
Next time you feel tempted to share something, write it down on your note. Get everything out of your system, your rage, hurt, insecurities, joyful moment, pain- all of it.
Think of it as an alternative source to channel your emotions. Instead of oversharing really or virtually, consider that putting down your ideas might sometimes also help alleviate some tension.
Topics That Are Considered ‘Taboo’ Should Be Avoided
It is an important point to keep in mind if you have a habit of oversharing. Religion, politics, sex, and financial details are hotly debated and emotionally charged subjects.
Unless you’re very close with someone, it’s best not discuss these inappropriate topics. You don’t have to avoid them entirely, but you might want to think twice about discussing them with someone you’ve just met.
Increase Your Active Listening Skills
Being an active listener focuses on your partner rather than yourself. While active listening, you listen to comprehend and connect with them instead of just being there.
As active listeners pay attention to social signs, they are less likely to overshare. Furthermore, they also can sense when someone is feeling uneasy.
Establish a Specific Sharing Space, Such as a Trusted Partner
Some people become major tell-alls due to their anxiety and loneliness; as a result, they start disclosing their intimate facts with anyone. This is a big NO!
If you don’t have anyplace else to vent your feelings, you can take them out on anyone who appears to be listening. A close and trustworthy friend or partner could be this person.
Make a List of Your Thoughts
We’ve all been guilty of oversharing with our friends, bugging our partners, or being overly friendly with someone we’ve just met. Journaling is one of the most effective ways to end this problem.
Writing down our ideas is a good way to tune in to ourselves emotionally. Journaling can assist you in putting things into context.
When You’re Feeling Particularly Emotional, Stay Away From Social Media
We’ve encountered some chronic over-sharers on social media in this fast-paced digital age. Oversharing is possible with both friends and strangers, both online and offline.
If you have an oversharing problem and want to share news on social media, do so when you aren’t feeling very passionate about the subject. Check the intensity of your emotions and share the information only when you’re calm.
Increase Your Mindfulness Practice
Most of us spend excessive time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. On the other hand, when you’re present, you’re more likely to be calm and attentive.
Practicing mindfulness will also assist in educating your brain to be more brief and clear in your communication. Likewise, it will teach you how to enforce your limits.
Request Someone to Hold You Accountable
You can ask someone you trust to remind you when you share too much. It can be your close friend, lover, or a family member who is aware of your problem. You can make things even easier by creating a code word that they can use to give you signals.
Of Course, There’s Therapy
Okay, if none of these tips helped you, you can always visit a therapist to seek help. A licensed or professional therapist will provide you with a better vision of putting an end to your oversharing problem.
Vulnerability vs. Oversharing
There’s a fine line between being authentic and oversharing and that is willingness.
Vulnerability is a trait that draws individuals together and makes them feel more connected. Being vulnerable can make it simpler to go through our feelings, and it requires courage to be so. It is being real to others that require a certain level of humility.
On the other hand, oversharing has the opposite effect. Excessive sharing brings an unpleasant and frustrating experience to both parties. It belongs to a form of attention-seeking behavior.
Recovering After Oversharing
Sure, you may not realize when you are going with the flow, and there is no one stopping you from talking, but later on, you might feel that shame and guilt for saying too much. So, how do you cope after oversharing?
The important thing is to deal with it and move on–quickly. Change the subject, lighten the mood, and don’t beat yourself out for something already out of your control.
We all overshare during different stages of our life. It is not some permanent illness and can be fixed. The simplest method to avoid oversharing is to think before speaking. Or else, we can always seek help from various other people, therapists, and services.