When you are in a relationship with someone, they will become your habit over time. You have a tendency to prioritize them in all aspects of your life. However, if the relationship is getting toxic, you may find yourself physically and emotionally exhausted. You may not even recognize yourself in the mirror.
If this is you, it may be the right time to let go of your past and start putting yourself first.
Detaching from someone certainly will not be an easy journey. There are times where you want to run back to them. Apologize for their mistake just to get a glimpse of the happiness you pictured. But remember, nothing or nobody is worth your time and energy if they can’t appreciate your worth.
You must practice a healthy detachment style to receive that mental peace and clarity.
When Should You Detach From Someone
It may be unwise to jump to conclusions if your decision is purely based on a minor argument. You must try to relax and work things out.
People may feel the need to emotionally separate themselves from a connection for various reasons, whether it’s a romantic or family bond. Some of the reasons for which you should think about detaching yourself are:
- They are cheating on you.
- He/She is emotionally or physically abusing you.
- They are gaslighting you.
- You lack confidence when you are around them.
- If they keep reminding you of your mistakes and even use it against you.
- They don’t value your time.
- They blame you for everything.
- You feel like an outcast around their friends and family.
- They show no effort to be on a same page with you.
How To Detach From Someone
Take Baby Steps, Slowly
As detachment is already a messy process, starting small and learning gradually is very important. It won’t be easy at first, but you’ll get the hang of it when you increase your effort with time.
For instance, begin by removing those old messages on the first day, and then the photos and so on. There is no hard and fast rule in this. You can always determine what you can and cannot let go of.
Identify the Reason for Detachment
First, ask yourself why you’ve decided to detach from this person. It is important to have a solid reason to let go of somebody; otherwise, you may cave in and quit your decision in between. Find the source of the problem and all the ways it had affected you and those around you.
The reason you find must convince you to detach and be your motivating factor every time you doubt yourself. Generally, the reason for detachment is linked to the person with whom you were attached.
Don’t Rush. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Nobody said it would be simple. It is crucial to permit yourself to withdraw at your own pace. Grieving is the first and vital step when you are detaching from someone.
While going through this, you are allowed to take rest, contemplate as often, and cry as much you need. Most importantly, don’t punish yourself for feeling wrecked, as it will get good with time.
On the other hand, if you shut down your emotions instead of dealing with them, they continue to bubble up, and the whole process gets even more difficult.
Be Patient and Do Not Look for Shortcuts
While going through all these emotions, be kind to yourself. Having patience is important while trying detachment, especially during the beginning days when you tend to question yourself a lot.
Detachment is a journey of finding yourself. It might take longer than you have imagined, and there may be several moments of relapses as well. But, things will improve when given time.
Don’t Be Afraid to Express Yourself and Be Vulnerable
Expressing yourself is a key stage in letting go of the emotions related to someone. You can express yourself using several ways, like crying, venting to someone, kickboxing, and so on.
You should never be afraid to be vulnerable and should take as much time you need to let it go fully. When it comes to us and our emotions, any next person has the right to judge us on how we feel.
Keep a Diary and Practice Journaling
Writing is like opening your heart on a paper and letting your emotions flow. While talking about your feelings with others can be challenging at times, journaling can work as a helpful tool to process our feelings healthily and therapeutically.
Learn How to Meditate
Meditation helps us strengthen our focus, reduce tension, promote clarity, and minimize negativity by polishing our awareness and attention.
With the help of meditation, we can focus on the present rather than stressing over the past. You may not be very good at it at first, but practicing it every day will bring significant changes in your life.
Meet Old Friends and Get Some Fresh Air
Living inside the same room for a long time soaking in grief will fill your mind with many negative ideas and self-doubts. You should get that fresh air every once in a while.
Maybe it’s the right time to meet those old friends with whom you have kept postponing the plans. Going out and spending quality time with your friends helps fight the detachment blues.
Invest in Yourself and Keep Yourself Busy
Isn’t there some kind of skill you have always wanted to learn? It may be learning how to dance, skate, or a new language? This is the perfect time to do it.
We know that some relationships are mentally draining, and while dealing with them, we have very little energy to pursue other goals. And now that you are practicing detachment, your mind still wanders as you have plenty of spare time on your hands.
It is important that you keep yourself busy, and investing in yourself is the best idea. Set attainable goals for your day or a week. Don’t set the bar too high initially, and get going!
Don’t Be Concerned About What They’re Doing
If you’re constantly attempting to figure out what they’re up to, STOP! It doesn’t matter what they’re doing, who they’re talking to, or what they’re accomplishing any longer!
There’s a reason you chose to detach from this individual. Imagining them in hypothetical settings isn’t helpful, and it’s impeding your growth.
Practice Self-care and Get Attached to Yourself
Consider this- now is the moment to develop a relationship with oneself. You probably spent a lot of time and effort caring for this person, whom you eventually decided to let go of. So, instead of worrying about them 24 hours a day, take care of yourself!
Get a pedicure or spend a day at the spa with your pals! Self-care should be done on your own terms but learn to detach from the emotional baggage. During this time, you deserve to be pampered!
Release Those Endorphins
We’ve discussed focusing on a career, learning a new skill, and engaging with a hobby, but you also need to move that body! Did you know that exercise releases endorphin- the good-all happy hormones?
It enhances our well-being and instills positivity, which is crucial during the detachment process. After all, you should not need many reasons to stay fit.
Surround Yourself With Positive People
Your ability to think positively or negatively is greatly influenced by the people you associate with. Hanging around with happy people with a positive attitude on life will gradually have its effect on you too.
For good growth, one should break the cycle of negative self-talk and choose a positive circle to hang out with. Positive people can transform your perception of life and aid your well-being.
Learn to Forgive Yourself as Well as the Other Person
In some circumstances, you may find yourself continuously analyzing what you could have done differently to save the relationship you had with this person. This will not benefit you in the detachment process with someone who has already moved on in their life. Therefore, instead of beating yourself, you must forgive yourself now.
Likewise, you might have been associated with someone who was not good for you. There is always a reason, or two one considers detachment. It is time to forgive them too. Forgiveness is more about letting yourself let go of the anger you’ve been harboring.
Be Grateful and Focus on Healing
Whatever happens in life, choose to stay grateful. It is hard to find that feeling with all those pains and confusions, but one should start with little positivity that surrounds us every day.
Gratitude is an excellent tool to attract positive emotions, improve our health, and develop meaningful relationships. It assists in the healing process.
Get Help From Your Family or Trustworthy Friends
With all those emotions bottled up inside the chest, you might lose the clarity for living a good life. Often, we feel shy or proud enough to get help from our family or friends, but if you are still heartbroken after trying many of these suggestions, you should seek that extra help.
Venting helps sometimes. If you trust someone, you must not feel shame in asking for help. Moreover, you’ll likely find that others have been in similar situations and can empathize with you.
Seek Professional Help
If you don’t feel comfortable asking your friends or family for help, or if they aren’t as supportive as you’d want, it’s time to consider a professional or a therapist. Look for a practice that is a good fit for you, and it will be worth it.
What Good Comes After Detachment
When you choose to let go, you are putting yourself first. And believe us, there is nothing more important than your mental well-being.
Sure, the whole process is exhausting, but once you can detach yourself, it brings several good aspects. Some of the good things to look after are:
- You’ll have more opportunities to fall in love.
- You’ll acquire mental peace.
- You’ll be more productive.
- You’ll be less critical of yourself and more accepting of others.
- You’ll worry much less.
Detaching from someone does not mean you can’t have any feelings anymore. It further does not mean that you need not see that person anymore. Sometimes, we require that momentary break to clear our heads or establish healthy boundaries.
There may be people who may perceive detachment as a “rude” process. They may also classify you as someone lacking feelings for others, but who are they to judge you? Life is always about you, and no matter what other people say/think, you should never think twice before prioritizing yourself.
In simple terms, choosing detachment means you choose your peace of mind! But, to receive that mental peace and clarity, one must practice a healthy detachment style.
During the process, please don’t beat yourself. Don’t forget to take care of your lovely body and mind. Take as much time as you want and have faith that things will get much better with time.
In the words of Rainer Maria Rilke, “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”